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today is my last day with furniture in this house [Sunday August 20th 6:02pm] we start packing tomorrow. the little moving van dudes are showing up bright and early to haul all our shit away. HORRAY! no one really understands this whole moving deal until they do it themselves. it doesn't hit you until you can't manuver through your house without running into box towers. or, it hits you when you realize you've seen the person your dating for the last time. i'm not quite sure you can understand that unless you've experienced it as well. i did today. it's like the wind has been knocked out of you for an unending amount of time. THEN, like you've been stabbed in the back with one of the little knives, so that you aren't killed, you just go through an undying amount of pain. i really just want to be in his arms right now, and stay with him for as long as possible. i mean you shouldn't expect any less from me, its been 9 months after all. schools starting soon, and i reallyreallyreally don't want him to move on... but honestly, who am i kidding. i am going to be a thousand miles away from now on. sgth 8 w4y3thogisdehtg9pw37 t9gkihs'zigtohsweoi'gthoguihpr fuck moving. alright so i guess moving on should be happening about now. i'm scared. i'm scared to move on, scared to meet new people, and scared to be in a new setting. its just not what i saw happening this year. i was expecting myself to run for stud co, play frield hockey, be on the gymnastics team after inproving over the summer, being a role in talent night & doing sets, and becoming closer friends with people i lost contact with over the course of this year. but now that i've missed preseason, talent night doesn't exist, and those people i was going to try to reconnect with are going to be uber far away, i don't see any of this happening. frustrating it is to the max. i'm really scared that people won't like me though. i hate looking like everyone else, and those of you that know me well, know this. and i am scared that i'll be shunned if i dress the way i usually do.GAH. doobadooooooooooo, advise, anyone, anyone? (bueller... bueller, nvm) i'll be gone by wednesday afternoon. oh whatt fun, huh? if you'd like you could come and stop by my house and say goodbye, i'd really like that. for now, i don't feel like talking about this anymore. but thanks for reading this. READ 1 CMNT

for your information [Sunday August 13th 9:02pm] i've lived here for 5 years. in that time period i have made and lost many friends. all i want, is for you to remember me. maybe you'll remember me because we were once great friends. orr, maybe you'll remember me by a mistake i made, and you realized you didn't want to ever make that mistake. or simply, maybe you'll just remember me from an adventure we had together. it doesn't so much matter as to why you remember me, just that you do, is all i ask. thats me being sincere. READ 4 CMNT

the past three weeks. [Sunday August 13th 3:26pm] lets see. the last week of july i went to gymnastics camp in south hero. i had the most amazing time. you should try going sometime, the camp's name is dunkleys, and they have the best food in the world. hrmm, then i went to the beach for two weeks. and i spent the ENTIRE effing time with family. i highly suggest if you have a trip like that in your future to bring a friend along. otherwise you just may as well rip someones head off. the beach was really great, and i got tann, and i read 5 books. yeah, i know FIVE. its rediculous i might add. mmmmmmm in the meantime i haven't seen anyone for at least 3 weeks i am going insane. imagine not seeing your boyfriend/best friends for a month. i swear if i don't see one of them soon i may just run around the neighborhood like a crazy person, screaming at the top of my lungs. yesterday rob came over, and samantha a. came over today. i had a grand time with both of themmm. i don't know what i am going to do without them when i move. ^haah thats what me and samantha did [[:and we also made outfits so i can look super sweet for school. mmmm i don;t feel like doing this anymore. CMNT

[Saturday July 22nd 9:39pm] CMNT

new houses. [Saturday July 22nd 8:37am] [ music | too early for music. ] in a few minutes i am leaving for londonderry to look at some houses in the matthew thorton district. theres supposed to be at least 8 houses that we're being shown today, so hopeefullyyy we like a few of them? last night i slept about 4 hours. all i can do is think and bout moving, and people not liking me. i am scared out of my mind. i honestly don't think i am going to be able to sleep until i have moved. my parents are all "woo you can get a new bedroom set, and maybe we'll even get a pool" but the more i think about it, i don't care what this new house ends up containing. its not going to keepe me from missing everyone here an amazingly great deal. blaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. CMNT

[: [Thursday July 20th 1:44pm] yeailike ska: i say you just get on the wrong plane "accidently" and come to miami READ 2 CMNT

you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start. [Thursday July 20th 11:57am] alright. so two nights ago me and amelia came downstairs and we saw my parents talking to my sister. she was really upset and i thought she had gotten into trouble. i didnt really think anything of it though. so yesterday i was sitting at the computer and my dad juust comes out and says, "how would you feel about moving back to londonderry (new hampshire)?" and i was like.. are you kidding. so if you didn't get that, i am moving. about 5 years ago i moved from londonderry new hampshire to here, and now we're moving back because my dad got a job offer in boston, and londonderry is 45 minutes away from boston. my family decided that if we are moving anywhere we are moving somewhere where we already know people so that we don't have to start all over again. honestly i didn't know i could feel this many emotions at once. i am extremely sad, and angry that i have to leave everyone here. i'm going to miss saying hi to everyone in the halls, and walking up to friends and just starting conversation. i am going to be going to a new school about the size of essex high school. i mean, its so big that there is a gym that you have to walk outside to get to. its rediculous! aaaahh but while i am etremely sad for leaving my best friends, i am a little antsy to see how people have changed since i left, and see all my old friends. i am pretty sure i am going to have a hard time fitting in... *sighs* but i was talking to sam, and he was telling me how i had a chance to have a fresh start, and thats exciting as well. i kept tossing and turning last night. this is all i can think about. it doesnt feel real though. i feel like its all a dream and its just being trown around. even my parents constantly looking at houses, they've done it before and nothings happened, but this time its real.... i just don't feel like it. we're going house hunting on saturday, then i leave for dunkley's on sunday. oh lordd. READ 3 CMNT

[Wednesday July 19th 7:04pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Beating Hearts Baby by Head Automatica ] i pretty much had the best day of my entire life yesterday. Arthur drove up from rutlandddd, and once he got here amelia, him, and myself played monkey ball haha. THEN, we went to al's cause he hadn't been since 5th grade. Afterwardss, we decided to drive to the collapsing bowling alley on shelburne road, and play in the arcade. i pretty much bruised my finger playing air hockey. I was real good at the motorcycle game though, yeah, descriptive, i know. mmm once we ran out of quarters, we drove homee and changed and decided to go to quarry hill for a while. no one was there so we got to take over the deep end [WOO] and play nifty little games that arthur was really bad at haha. tHeN, samuel and emma came over and we ate good shtuff, played frisbee, they dominated monkey ball, i kept dying on level 15 :[.. and then i dominated egyptian rat screw. if you don't knwo what that is...i don't feel like explaining, its cards though. basically the first two night we stayed up till 5 in the morning, and last night we were nice and early and decided 3:30ish was a good bedtime. [: i wish so horribly me and her went to the same school. i basically couldn't ever have a bad day. so i reallyreally wanted to sleep today at the pool, but my parents told me something real big, and i couldnt stop thinking about it. once i tell me bestest friends, i'll write about it, but not till then. sorryy. i have a new favorite song. its what i typed under "music" thank you millie for it =D i better finish this before i spill the secret. CMNT

amelia wilcox [Sunday July 16th 12:35pm] amelia wilcox, is basically my reason for breathing. & she's coming over for the next four days, and i am so incredibly pumped. i haven't really hung out with anyone for a whiilleee, so it'll be simply amazing [: last night i was lying awake in bed, thinking. and i realized that i'm really dumb for complaining about my friend loneliness, when theres alot worse things out there that people are praying for such as starvation, homeless people, and the list could go on forever. my point is just that i felt really lucky just for the people that i still have in my life that care about me, and i don't want to screw that up by feeling sorry for myself. for now i am off to the pool with sophie, where we are reuniting ^_^ READ 1 CMNT

ressurection [Saturday July 15th 2:06pm] [ mood | crappy. ] [ music | RENT ] i haven't used this website in about half a year. i got sick of everyone knowing what i was thinking constantly. but right now i think people ought to know what i've been thinking;; i love how everyone has just moved on as if nothings happened. does anyone notice i've just sat at home for the past week, wishing i could be with the people i used to call my best friends? yeah, i miss you guys. i doubt you all care anymore. i've just been left in the dust. but somehow i needed to get it out there. my new myspace default wasn't just a cooincidence. [sp?] READ 2 CMNT

[Sunday January 1st 8:51pm] yea. soooo. im sorta like a pyro. on new years eve. i took pictures of the candle in front of me. so i decided to share them with you. ^it looks like her hands on fire haha. ahah uhhh. ew. and this is the boy. who sophie and em stocked all new years eve :P [we had to sneak the picture soo... its not a very good pic] CMNT

yeah. [Tuesday December 27th 12:36pm] there are two kinds of people in the world. theres the people who like music that has a good beat & anything they can dance to is good. they don't listen to the lyrics in the least.. then theres other people, like me. they listen to lyrics and read into them so deeply, that the songs have a whole nother meaning. and so. we only listen to the music that is relevant to us. [kate was telling me about one of peytons podcasts and she talked about that in it, and i liked it so i wanted to share it with you] and. i am incredibly bored. and have nothing to do. so cal call me. yea. [: CMNT

Letter On the Wall [Saturday December 10th 12:10pm] i'm acting so immature. and for that i am sorry. i just.. you've left me in a place where i am so incredibly helpless... i need anything the dull the pain. i don't know who to talk to. you are always that person whom i do tell everything.. anyone i try to talk to.. if doesn't come out right. i can't even decribe how i am hurting. and they just dont truly understand how i feel. i know. you think.. i am different? i am acting different that i know. its cause of how crazzy your making me - see you're acting different too. i am at a place where i don't feel any better after venting on a person. i have to write this out in words to see how pathetic i have become. just read this okay.. you know who you are... and you know how much you mean to mean. i so badly want things to be okay. CMNT

[Wednesday December 7th 2:56pm] its biblical how fucked my sleep can be. i hate drama with a passionnnn. CMNT

[Tuesday December 6th 3:28pm] [ mood | aggravated ] ironic how the ones we care most about fall for the ones we care least for. READ 2 CMNT

[Tuesday November 29th 3:16pm] uhh. the school went evil over night. haha some bitcy jounier almost killed me for taking her chair at lunch. and. i have been doing quite a good job of embarrassing myself latelyyy. thats it besides the gay book i am stilllll friggen making. blah. i <3 tomato though. uggg. i misss himmmmmmmmm. its like. couples are now appearingg out of thin air. i don't like ittt. it makes me lonely. READ 2 CMNT

[Sunday November 27th 1:17pm] [ mood | geek-ish ] [ music | red hot chili peppers - by the way ] my day looks like this- work on stupid childrens book on a greek myth *..procrastinate* take notes on retards from 3-95823- years ago. *..procrastinate* read a stupid packet on shakespear and pretend i care. *..go on the computer=procrastinate* .. work on the reject book... *traslante f-ing spanish which i don't even understand andd. then shower. and sleep. and dread tomorrow. the only good thing will = wearing the awesome pants i fixed teehee. so i best go start. and go miss tomato whenever my thoughts drift. ha yea it blows xcore. but i wanna make an awesome new necklace tonight too. that will be included in my procrastination deal. score. well. yea i gg now. do fucking gah my bad flipping homework. pEACE./ CMNT

this is morning. [Saturday November 26th 11:19am] alright. so i haven't updated in a while so thats what i am doing. updating. i got back from RI yesterday. haha i played poker type games... and it was quite nifty. i drew alot while i was gone. wahoo for me (: .. vacations been so nice. sleeping is like... haha i can't decribe how good it feels. but unfortunatly i ran into my shitload of homework last night. so.. i started.. sorta.. and drew people. hah yea pretty sweet. nothing else too exciting is going on though. i have gymnastics in a bit. and thats about it. excepttt. i miss this kid *cough*tomato*cough* a crazy amounntttt. oh goshness. <3 READ 2 CMNT

[Saturday November 19th 12:07pm] its the same old shit. boy meets girl. girl <3's boy boy leaves girl. (for someone meaning one of her best friends.) then theres a new boy. and he's <3'ed too. but he leaves too. so now. you're left all alone. being replaced everywhere that you can be replaced. READ 1 CMNT

[Friday November 18th 10:31pm] tomato's at ski school. =( lame. now i am stranded. at this stupid school. by my lonesome self. oh boyyss. maybe if i am lucky, i can keepp millie at my house for forever when she comes on sunday. i'd promise to give her food and ect of course and then she could go to school with me and be amazingly awesome and make the day worth going through. *sigh* i do wish i could make whati imagine up true at times. oh yea p.s "so much for all the promises you made they served you well, now you're gone and they're wasted on me." CMNT

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